So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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