Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Randomize
