sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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