I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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