just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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