She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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