I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She bit a glass in half.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
