I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
