I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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