:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
