you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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