it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
