This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
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i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
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You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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