I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
