did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
