i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
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