how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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