he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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