i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
