Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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