I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
