Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
