I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize