so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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