he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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