As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
