This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
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Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
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i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
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