i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
