if you like me you must not know who I am
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
