sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
