You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
