this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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