I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
