Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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