I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
