I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
What a dumb baby whore.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
