So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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