if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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