I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
