We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
