I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
