Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
