So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
