mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
