just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
