So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
