I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
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Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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