Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
