I just pynch a tree in the face
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
