I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
This toilet bowl is my home.
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