it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
