love makes seman taste better
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
