Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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