I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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