well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
