You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
