I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
