he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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