TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
