2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
