No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
