yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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