If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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