I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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